If I ran a company here in Portland — no matter what goods or services that company provided — I would hire this person:

Greetings, Maker of Company Decisions!

I see from your recent Craigslist ad that you are looking to hire an office worker. While almost anyone could perform the duties expected of your average entry-level administrative person, I would like to present you with an alternative proposal.

My name is Helen Manjam, and I am a local actress who will accurately portray an office worker for 40 hours a week in a location of your choosing. I have trained for over a decade with experienced actors in learning all the finer points of recreating office culture: the language, mannerisms, routines, etc.

You may be asking yourself, why an actress? Why not just hire Jim or Susan, regular office workers? The answer, my friend, is enhanced substance. Jim and Susan may serve you dutifully, but they will never feel obligated to amuse you. They will volunteer too much – or too little – of their personal lives. You won’t care what they have to say, and you will grow weary of feigning interest in their mundane lives. You will realize, years down the road, possibly while intoxicated at the company Christmas party, that Jim and Susan have become, to you, less than human.

Read the complete post on Craigslist.

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Categories: jobs
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