Welcome to Describetheruckus.com

This Looks Like a Job For a Computer Nerd!

March 8, 2010 3:25 pm

by Lauren Hudgins

My friend’s company, ShopIgniter, just got a bunch of venture capital and is looking to hire. My friend would be your immediate boss, so I promise your boss would be awesome.

Interface Engineer

ShopIgniter seeks a full-time, front-end web developer with a solid understanding of standards-compliant (X)HTML/CSS with the ability to quickly slice up and implement designs created in Photoshop or Illustrator. General knowledge of Adobe software is a must. Experience working with dynamically-driven content and manipulating the DOM with jQuery or javascript is a plus. An eye for aesthetics and design is appreciated.

You Will:

* Perform your tasks quickly and efficiently, meeting all deadlines in a fast-paced work environment.
* Cross-browser test your code, support IE6.
* Accurately translate beautiful designs to the web, with pixel-perfect precision.
* Posses 4+ years of experience hand-coding websites.
* Be comfortable working on a Mac.
* Understand modern font/image replacement techniques.

You Won’t:

* Ever use the words WYSIWYG or Comic Sans in a positive way.
* Code a site without giving consideration to text-resizing and other accessibility issues.
* Use tables to layout anything other than tabular data.
* Use a single unnecessary div, span, class, id… you get the idea.

ShopIgniter, a start-up located in Portland, OR, provides a next generation ecommerce platform for physical retail, branded website and social channels. Local candidates only, no recruiters please.

Interested applicants should send email, cover letter, and résumé to jasonATshopigniterDOTcom.

Hire This Person.

March 6, 2010 8:59 pm

by Mike Burnett

If I ran a company here in Portland — no matter what goods or services that company provided — I would hire this person:

Greetings, Maker of Company Decisions!

I see from your recent Craigslist ad that you are looking to hire an office worker. While almost anyone could perform the duties expected of your average entry-level administrative person, I would like to present you with an alternative proposal.

My name is Helen Manjam, and I am a local actress who will accurately portray an office worker for 40 hours a week in a location of your choosing. I have trained for over a decade with experienced actors in learning all the finer points of recreating office culture: the language, mannerisms, routines, etc.

You may be asking yourself, why an actress? Why not just hire Jim or Susan, regular office workers? The answer, my friend, is enhanced substance. Jim and Susan may serve you dutifully, but they will never feel obligated to amuse you. They will volunteer too much – or too little – of their personal lives. You won’t care what they have to say, and you will grow weary of feigning interest in their mundane lives. You will realize, years down the road, possibly while intoxicated at the company Christmas party, that Jim and Susan have become, to you, less than human.

Read the complete post on Craigslist.

Free Coffee Day @ p:ear barista school

March 4, 2010 1:37 pm

by Lauren Hudgins

Free coffee day at p:ear is a chance for the barista school students to hone their skills in a realistic café environment as well as a chance for the Portland community to support the recently launched p:ear barista school. Each student will work a shift as barista throughout the day, the drinks are free, but we will have a huge tip jar for the students.

New Session: p:ear barista school session number 3 starts the first in week in April. Interested individuals can apply in person at p:ear during regular business hours.

p:ear barista school’s goal is to provide on the job training to at risk youth and provide the necessary skills to become the best barista’s in Portland.

March 11th
9am – 2pm
p:ear
338 NW 6th Ave.
Portland, Oregon 97209

Bitch Media Hiring Executive Director

May 2, 2009 10:27 pm

by Mike Burnett

From Craigslist:

Bitch Media, the nonprofit organization that publishes the witty and whip-smart Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture, a print magazine devoted to feminist analysis and media criticism, seeks a visionary and strategic leader to lead the organization in its next phase as a dynamic, feminist multimedia institution. Qualified candidates will exhibit a drive to achieve results through vision, coalitions and creative collaboration. The successful candidate will come to the table with the commitment, experience and personality to solidify Bitch Media as a sustainable, healthy organization. The ideal candidate will be an enthusiastic, connected and compassionate leader who possesses experience in fundraising & nonprofit management, a commitment to feminism and independent media, and will be a skillful communicator. Bitch Media, an Equal Opportunity Employer, strongly encourages people of color to apply. Please send a letter of application, resume, and salary history and expectations to jobs@b-word.org.

Filmed By Bike Festival Hiring Intern

December 20, 2008 9:13 pm

by Mike Burnett

From Craigslist:

The Seventh Annual Filmed by Bike is a festival of bike-themed short independent movies from around the world. The festival takes places every April in Portland, Oregon. Intern will work closely with the Festival Director and Promotion Assistant to present another great festival with thousands of moviegoers. This is a very fun position that offers an excellent opportunity to learn on the job while being a part of a Portland favorite event.

5-20 hours a week on average. Jan 20-April 30, 2009.

FESTIVAL INFO: FilmedByBike.org

For Those Of Us On The Job Hunt

December 12, 2008 3:47 pm

by Mike Burnett

"Job Interview" from Human Giant

Trees and Doughnuts for a Good Cause

December 5, 2008 7:00 pm

by Lauren Hudgins

It’s definitely December. Are you in the market for a Christmas tree? May I make a suggestion?

Consider buying your tree from the lot outside of the NE Voodoo Doughnuts. All proceeds are going to the nonprofit organization, Urban Opportunities, a job placement program focused on at-risk and low-income youth.

Urban Opportunities is such a good idea. It’s difficult for disadvantaged youth to enter the competitive job market, but their families need the extra income the most. It’s a vicious cycle. They can’t get jobs because they don’t have the experience and skills and they can’t get the experience and skills without jobs. Urban Opportunities is a facilitator between employers and youth to provide the training and connections necessary to break the cycle.

Some of the youth served by Urban Opportunities will be working in the Christmas tree lot résumé building and gaining hands-on work experience.

Plus, every tree that you buy will get you two free Voodoo Doughnuts.

1501 N.E. Davis St.
December 5-24

Portland’s Elvis will be dressed as Santa Claus on Thursdays from 1-4pm

Make A Difference

November 25, 2008 5:20 pm

by Mike Burnett

Are you a FUN and OUTGOING DRAG QUEEN with lots of friends – that wants to earn some extra money?
We are looking for a Fierce Drag Queen Bartender for 1 to 4 Monday Evening shifts a month. You must have bartending experience, valid OLCC card, valid Food Handlers card, and ideas to format “your night” in our venue.

Please submit a head shot and resume and we will contact you for an interview!

via Craigslist.

What’s that, Obama? You can’t travel back in time?

November 5, 2008 12:08 pm

by Mike Burnett

Anyone who’s ever worked in the restaurant industry will recognize this Craigslist ad as giant, flashing, neon sign of the times:

In these difficult times, restaurants develop special needs for a talented employee that is able to multitask. We are looking for that special person that has BOH skills and FOH experience. This person would start at $9.00 per hour and would average 30 to 40 hours per week.

Requirements;

• Read and understand English
• Good Knife skills and food knowledge
• Ability to learn computer restaurant software
• Pass security screening
• Good driving record with own automobile
• Available 7 days a week (am and pm)
• Neat and Clean appearance
• Good people skills and team player
• Minimum 2 years experience in the restaurant business

The position starts immediately, do not apply if your not available the day after we hire you. Because of the economy we have had to cut staffing way back, this position requires a lot of talent for little pay, if you do have talent, we will promote you when business picks up and positions open up. We have more then one location and are in the planning stages for expansion. Please do not apply if you have held more then 3 jobs in less then a year. Please paste your resume in your e-mail if possible

I love the part about not applying if you’ve had more than 3 jobs in less than a year. How many people have you let go this year, dude?

Blazers Hiring Intern

April 24, 2008 1:48 pm

by Mike Burnett

PURPOSE: The internship position is designed to allow the intern to experience various facets of the Creative group within the Marketing department of the Portland Trail Blazers.Primary Responsibilities:

# Graphic and Production Print Design

link to job posting